you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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