You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
