If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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