My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
