M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
as a side note pls kill me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
