If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
