dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
