she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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