Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
