You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
