Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
