What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
