Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize