After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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