the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
And then he peed in my hair
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