I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
