I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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