The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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