Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
