he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she peed on how many people?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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