You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
