DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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