I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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