Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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