Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
