It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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