Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
