ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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