If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
