Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
