Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
