I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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