i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
