I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize