Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
