he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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