and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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