i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
