The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
