my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
