if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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