I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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