"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
