I puked a lego.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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