he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you remember whose house we're in?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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