so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
