drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
