vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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