if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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