it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
