I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
