that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
