Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
