I cockslap morals
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
