i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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