You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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