i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize