i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
