Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
