Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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