she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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