Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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