So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
