Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We smell like vodka and hangover
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