Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
