Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
