Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize