I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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