Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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