fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
