even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
