I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
