Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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