Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
