Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
