When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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