Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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