I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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