Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
