Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
