i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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