Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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