He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
