it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
