drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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