My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
