I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
