remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
