youre lurking in front of me
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
