worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
