evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
