He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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