Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
